There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
