Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
