Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
