Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
