i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
