Soap is not a condiment
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
