she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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