Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
