Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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