she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
