just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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