Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
