Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize