Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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