im six kinds of drunk right now
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
