You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
