Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
