Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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