All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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