coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
