I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize