Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
