Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
