For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
