i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
