I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
