is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
