Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
