Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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