I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
