Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
