he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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