It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She bit a glass in half.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
