my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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