If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
