the new term for farting is butt boxing.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize