Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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