Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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