You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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