Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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