haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
