Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
