I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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