i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
one might say we're banned from that church
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize