And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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