I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize