Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
