I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
birth control should be required to get into college
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize