absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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