In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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