Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Panties = found
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
