Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
