I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
