I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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