Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
