What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
