There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
