I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
