It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
