Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Randomize
