Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
