she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
