dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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