All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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