god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
