I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
