I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
