I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Randomize
